I've come across several blogs and rants across the InterWebz about the subject of guest giving. Apparently several Prima Dona brides and couples are of the opinion that their wedding guests should give, and give enough to cover the cost of their own plates. These same ranters and bloggers seem to feel that weddings today are incredibly overdone. Some go so far as to suggest that wedding debacles (such as busted budgets) should always be solved by eloping.
On the flip side, I've heard crazy Bridal Divas ranting about how their day MUST BE PERFECT and their guests' children are most certainly NOT INVITED - children would just ruin the perfect day! Their slimy, piggish little fingers would certainly smear the expensive catering all over the expensive rented linens and they would crayola their way to hell (or at least the wedded couple's bad graces) on the $90 matte signature frame.
I don't know any crazy brides that won't allow their guests to bring their children because it will spoil their perfect day, nor do I know any engaged couples that are counting on their guests' generosity to fund the blessed event. I am planning my own wedding right now, however, which will be in July. I do have mixed feelings about guest giving, but I am resolute on the issue of guests under 18.
I, too, agree that weddings are overdone. The price of a new car or small fixer-upper house for one whirlwind day? Puh-leeze! And don't get me started on the tired reception DJ act & standard wedding earworms (electric slide, YMCA...). I used to be so terribly bored at my friends' weddings. I could only interact with them for a fleeting moment and all the rest of the night I watched everyone else having fun (I dont dance - except for in the comfort of my own home - and that's ALWAYS THE ONLY THING TO DO). The idea that I would be required to give a gift enough to pay for my right to be present at my friends' event is just ridiculous. In addition, all of my friends' weddings were paid for by their parents.
Nevertheless, I am in a very different position. Mario and I are almost completely paying for our entire wedding. When I say "almost" I mean that our parents have given us small (when compared to the entire budget) gestures of support, but we are floating this boat with our biweekly paychecks. I can, therefore, understand the urge to compel guests to give the Couple of Honor something. It isn't easy paying for a decent wedding and reception for 100 guests when your annual income for your family of 3 is 127% the FPL (127% may sound like a lot, but it's only 27% above the poverty level).
But we didn't go down that road. Unlike most of my friends who have gotten married since I entered college, we didn't register at a (or several) department store. We did not slip the registry info card into our invitations. We do not expect to receive any gifts (monetary or tactile) before or at our reception. And our budget has expanded, although our resources haven't. If anyone does give us a gift, we hope it is cash. We have many needs and cash is always welcome. We also have an apartment full of kitchen appliances and utensils and plateware (thanks to our mothers' bargain shopping skills & tireless generosity!), although strangely enough we own neither a toaster nor a blender. But we don't calculate the cost of our marital trappings by visualizing our guests' deep pockets. The majority - nay, the vast majority - of our guests are Out-Of-Towners. They will all have to pay for their flights and hotel rooms (although I did my damnest to find the lowest group rate at the best hotel I could find). Paying for the wedding has become a priority to both Mario and I. So much so that we have foregone the ideal honeymoon until we know we have money left over.
As for children at weddings: Brides who think children's presence will ruin or have ruined their weddings need to go pop one out (or get laid) and take their midol. Children aren't tiny adults. If you don't want children at your wedding, don't invite their caretakers. I've heard that some parental guests lawd the bride and groom with exclamations of "how wonderful to have a night out with no kids!" If your kids are such a drag on your lifestyle, I think adoption is in order (somebody else adopt your kids, not you adopt, Forest). Now, I'm also a parent, so I understand the desire to go out and have fun one-in-a-while without the fussy, drooling hip appendage. But weddings are (or should be) family affairs - a wedding is a celebration with your family and friends, and family knows no age limit. We don't have many younger family members, so few children will be at the wedding, but our son will be in the wedding party. He is, after all, the Best Baby.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Wedding Details Breakdown & Prices
So I was answering a forum about wedding spending, and here is my specific info:
"Since my fiance and I are paying for our own wedding almost completely by ourselves, we wanted to stick to a $5000 budget originally, but it looks like it's creeping up to $10,000. We're having a beach wedding and we live in South Florida. To keep costs down I'm doing a blend of DIY & hiring vendors
I bought my dress, lingerie, shoes (bride flip-flops $15 @ David's Bridal) for $357.
Flowers I'm saving by doing arrangements myself. I will buy bulk from a store like http://www.fiftyflowers.com/ & pay up to $300 total on flowers & supplies to make the bouquets, bouttenniers, etc...I found instructions online.
I found a local photographer who does fabulous work part-time. Her starter package is $700 (5 hours of coverage & a CD of all the edited pics which we're free to reproduce) and she already did an engagement session for $100 (3 hours & a great time).
The most expensive part of our wedding is of course the reception. Because most of our guests are out-of-town, we secured a great group room rate ($75/night) which we don't have to pay for, but we also decided to have the festivities in the hotel's main ballroom. Food is $45 / person and have a special arrangement for drinks (access the whole time to two favorites which will be an additional $1000 or so.
My hubbie-to-be is renting his tux (although I wish he'd buy a linen suit better for the beach conditions) for under $150.
For entertainment, we're considering alternative options to hiring a DJ. My fiance would love it but it's too expensive. My cousin is a comedian, and we're considering asking him to be the main event. Then of course, making our own playlist.
My dad is a licensed minister and we're considering asking him to marry us. That would also save money.
For transportation from the hotel to the beach for our out-of-town-guests, we're renting a Trolley! $100/hour with a 3-hour minimum. It will be fun, unique & memorable.
The guest list is creeping up to 100+, but because most of them live out-of-town and we're in a depression, it's unlikely they will all (or most) come."
Sure, costs should be discreet, but I am glad things are coming together and people who want a reference for pricing on their own wedding should know if they want to. I don't mind.
We still need to finalize a few things:
decorations
entertainment/music
We need to book our honeymoon,
I need to make appointments for tast testings, test makeup applications, cake tastings, and more.
And my mother needs help with her dress. She has one but I think it is too casual and not appropriate. It's an informal wedding but I feel she is taking that too seriously (or perhaps not seriously enough?). I'm about to just buy her a dress.
But most importantly, Mario and I REALLY love each other and are so happy together, and can't wait for the wedding and to see everyone!
"Since my fiance and I are paying for our own wedding almost completely by ourselves, we wanted to stick to a $5000 budget originally, but it looks like it's creeping up to $10,000. We're having a beach wedding and we live in South Florida. To keep costs down I'm doing a blend of DIY & hiring vendors
I bought my dress, lingerie, shoes (bride flip-flops $15 @ David's Bridal) for $357.
Flowers I'm saving by doing arrangements myself. I will buy bulk from a store like http://www.fiftyflowers.com/ & pay up to $300 total on flowers & supplies to make the bouquets, bouttenniers, etc...I found instructions online.
I found a local photographer who does fabulous work part-time. Her starter package is $700 (5 hours of coverage & a CD of all the edited pics which we're free to reproduce) and she already did an engagement session for $100 (3 hours & a great time).
The most expensive part of our wedding is of course the reception. Because most of our guests are out-of-town, we secured a great group room rate ($75/night) which we don't have to pay for, but we also decided to have the festivities in the hotel's main ballroom. Food is $45 / person and have a special arrangement for drinks (access the whole time to two favorites which will be an additional $1000 or so.
My hubbie-to-be is renting his tux (although I wish he'd buy a linen suit better for the beach conditions) for under $150.
For entertainment, we're considering alternative options to hiring a DJ. My fiance would love it but it's too expensive. My cousin is a comedian, and we're considering asking him to be the main event. Then of course, making our own playlist.
My dad is a licensed minister and we're considering asking him to marry us. That would also save money.
For transportation from the hotel to the beach for our out-of-town-guests, we're renting a Trolley! $100/hour with a 3-hour minimum. It will be fun, unique & memorable.
The guest list is creeping up to 100+, but because most of them live out-of-town and we're in a depression, it's unlikely they will all (or most) come."
Sure, costs should be discreet, but I am glad things are coming together and people who want a reference for pricing on their own wedding should know if they want to. I don't mind.
We still need to finalize a few things:
decorations
entertainment/music
We need to book our honeymoon,
I need to make appointments for tast testings, test makeup applications, cake tastings, and more.
And my mother needs help with her dress. She has one but I think it is too casual and not appropriate. It's an informal wedding but I feel she is taking that too seriously (or perhaps not seriously enough?). I'm about to just buy her a dress.
But most importantly, Mario and I REALLY love each other and are so happy together, and can't wait for the wedding and to see everyone!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Money Money Money, Must Be Funny, In The Rich Man's World
Well, we've made a good deal of progress, I'd say. We made down payments on the reception venue, we paid for the ceremony/reception transportation for our guests (it's a unique vehicle!), We printed and assembled the invitations (although we still have yet to send them out, but our goal is this week!), and we've been assembling information and ideas on all the other things we need. Such as today, we went to a Bridal Expo at the Broward County Convention Center. Vendors schmoozing, magazines/flyers/biz cards shuffling, and favors, candy, and catering a-gobbling! Ooooh I love getting free stuff! They had a fashion show too, but it wasn't for another hour, and we'd already been by every booth in less than an hour. We were done, and we found out who the leading photographers, videographers, and DJ's were in the area (and their prices and services). Those are the next big things we have to pay for, and I, frankly, am shaken by the costs. Where I plan to cut costs in order to stay within the ever-raising budget?
- Flowers - It's easy to make your own bouquets, bouttenneirs and corsages, and wholesale flowers are much cheaper ($60 for 60 stems of gerbera daisies, $102.50 for 50 stems of Dendrobium Blue Bom at theflowersexchange.com), and you can also save by not using flowers in other decorating.
- Reception Decorations - Using inexpensive elements like Tissue Paper Poms (See Martha Stewart; she might be an ex-con, but she's still a crafting goddess) to hang from the ceiling and be tied to the backs of chairs, tea lights grouped together (pack of 50 6-hour burning tea light candles for $14 at 100candles.com), especially around the base of a vase filled with water and natural sand (free!) and seashells (my boss has a bunch, but there's also $6 bags at Michael's) at the bottom, and floating flowers (floating 4" cream white water lily Lotus flowers, box of 12, $15.48) or more floating candles (1.75" floating candles, white, 20 for $7.99 at save-on-crafts.com).
- Photography - If I had a friend here who is a professional photographer, I'd certainly use them, but since I don't, I can save in other ways. Most photographers seem interested in putting together custom packages for less. We personally don't need the getting ready pictures, so that's one expense that we can do without. In our digital age where almost any store can provide the ability for you to make your own print albums, we could only pay for our pictures to be online or on CD or both (photographer's albums are VERY pricey). That cuts down drastically on the cost of prints (with the exception of those big blown up portraits; those take a lot to do yourself, although I suppose Kinko's would be willing to help even at that for a discounted price. One photographer charges $125+ for a 16x20), and prints are sometimes half the price of the packages. Starter packages here are $1000 - $1600, although one photographer is nice enough to offer a bare-bones starter at $695. Unfortunately, we didn't like their work as much (at the expo today). One photographer did BEAUTIFUL work, but her starter package was $1600 for 4 hours and that didn't even include an album.
- DJ/Music/Entertainment - My cousin is a comedian, and I can assemble my own playlist. But we don't have access to the equipment necessary for our event. As with other vendors, we'll have to go with the customized package. This is the name of the game for our wedding planning. We started doing it with the hotel (reception venue) and customized packaging seems to be continued on to just about everything else. At least it means we're saving!
- Bridal Party Makeup - Wedding makeup can be almost $1000 all on its own. The biggest savings when it comes to hair, makeup, nails, and any and all other pre-wedding beauty regimen comes from doing it beauty school. One local beauty school has the lowest prices in the area: free trial-run, $150 for the bride, and $45/person for everyone else. That's it; no extra, or additional charges. And they do come to our location. Oh, and these are all graduates, no current students. This is REALLY good, considering a local professional makeup artist charges $60 for the trial, $120/bride, $75/person + additional charges, as needed. Another beauty school offers manicures and pedicures for $16 and other hair updoes and such for various can't-beat prices. Personally, I think I might go with my salon for my hairdo: The Hair Cuttery. A normal shampoo and cut is $13. Today I got a shampoo, cut, blowdry and hand straighten for $28. They're pretty amazing.
That's about all I can think of right, right now. I'm always looking for more ways to save money, because weddings are ridiculously expensive!!! Oh, and my mom isn't helping, because she keeps reminding me of more people to invite! This was supposed to be a small and intimate affair! Thanks, Mom! *smile*
On a side note, Mario and I have been really loving each other a lot lately. Haha, that sounds ridiculous; I guess it's more appropriate to say, we've been enjoying each other a lot lately. We can't wait to be Mr. and Mrs. Not for the sake of being married or not feeling lonely or being able to say to people you haven't seen in 10 years "I'm getting married! How's your life these days?" With Valentine's approaching, I have reason to mull over what he means to me:
- I love him because when we see someone hurting, or in need, or that some things just shouldn't be, he feels for others at the same time I feel for them too.
- I love him because of how he makes me happy and alive when I'm not feeling it or expecting it.
- I love him because I know him, and he knows me.
- I love him because he doesn't just tell me it's going to be alright when I'm upset about something. He also plays devil's advocate sometimes. I might be angry or upset when he does it, but deep down, I really need that.
- I love him because he listens.
- I love him because he isn't perfect, even though that's also very frustrating sometimes.
- I love him because he's good to me, and I need that.
- I love him because he's precious, and sweet, and he has a VERY good heart.
The End.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Well, I bought my dress! I bought it online at David's Bridal.com. You can search for style #BR1037 at http://www.davidsbridal.com/ if you really want to see what it looks like ahead of time. It should arrive at our place anytime between tomorrow and Friday. UPS says tomorrow, David's Bridal says Friday. I hope it's tomorrow! Thursday I go to the local DB store to purchase the accessories (lingerie, "Just Married" flip flops, you know, the basics) and score some discounts for my bridesmaids.
We FINALLY are making decisions on when and where this wedding thing is supposed to happen. I found out that while the City of Hollywood requires that you submit a permit accompanied by a $265 check in order to set up chairs, an arch and a runway, the City of Ft. Lauderdale (which has a MUCH prettier beach, by the way) let's you set all that up without submitting a permit which means FOR FREE. I love "FREE." It is first come first serve, however, and while the City says you can't block off an area of the beach from the general public, there's nothing wrong with setting up early!
In addition, I scored a low area room rate of $75/night at the Ft. Lauderdale Marriott North. They may host the reception as well, depending on whether or not Mario and I can afford their offers. Another option is a city community center (whether Hollywood or Ft. Lauderdale, along their beaches).
As soon as we have the reception venue secured, I can send invitations, bu
t I should figure out the transportation for those guests that will be staying at the hotel and needing to commute to the beach. There's the Sun Trolley in Ft. Lauderdale for rent, but I haven't gotten pricing information yet.
t I should figure out the transportation for those guests that will be staying at the hotel and needing to commute to the beach. There's the Sun Trolley in Ft. Lauderdale for rent, but I haven't gotten pricing information yet.Can I just say that sticking to budget is a bit difficult?
My goal is to have the important things (when and where we're getting married and celebrating; invitations to out-of-town guests sent out) accomplished by the end of this month.
The rest will be a piece of cake.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Getting Excited, But Way Behind!
Well we did some wedding planning/researching today. I guess 6 months isn't normally very much time to plan a wedding. I haven't completely settled on the dress I want to wear. I know what style: strapless/super-thin strap tea-length dress with empire waist, white preferred. But when we went into David's Bridal today I asked to see the tea-length dresses they have in stock, and there were only 2 ivory ones. So those are possibilities. When we went into Men's Warehouse/Tux, the girl helping Mario register was shocked that I hadn't picked my dress yet ("Will your dress be white or ivory? I need to know because if it's white and his shirt is ivory, he'll look dirty; if it's ivory and his shirt is white, you'll look dirty."), but honestly I was laid-back about it.
I don't get what the big deal is. Part of me says "Yeesh, it's about the vows, not the hype"; we are professing our commitment to love each other the rest of our lives in front of all our closest friends and family in order to invite them into our commitment to help keep us strong and to share in our love. That's what this is all about; so why does it matter that I don't have my dress picked out yet when we still have 7 months to go?
...And another part of me is the clammy little girl inside having a panic attack with visions of color-coordinating disaster plaguing her mind. Everything I ever hated about other couple's weddings comes back to me now when I'm planning my own. I have encountered more than one wedding which left me with the following opinions: "Wow, this is really tacky: the flowers are all fake, the dresses are all tulle and taffeta, and the meal is finger foods - at 7 o'clock at night! And I drove 4 hours to get to this wedding while the bride and groom never made arrangements for me to at least stay at a wallet-friendly hotel."
Now there's this third lobe of my brain that says "A classy wedding is wonderful for guests, but remember that you have to pay for all these things - certainly not the guests! - so tacky may have to be the standard you're willing to live with!"
Appropriately so, my reasonable and diplomatic self usually steps in about this time and says "We should find a balance of all three of these elements to pull off the perfect wedding - and the Perfect Wedding is perfectly possible. What makes it Perfect with a capital P is the seriousness and romanticism of an affordable, yet comfortable and inviting wedding ceremony and reception."
Perhaps after a successfull experience, I should be a professional!
...Oh, and, Note to Self: Don't underestimate the general unhelpfulness of people in the wedding industry who are forced to work on national holidays.
I don't get what the big deal is. Part of me says "Yeesh, it's about the vows, not the hype"; we are professing our commitment to love each other the rest of our lives in front of all our closest friends and family in order to invite them into our commitment to help keep us strong and to share in our love. That's what this is all about; so why does it matter that I don't have my dress picked out yet when we still have 7 months to go?
...And another part of me is the clammy little girl inside having a panic attack with visions of color-coordinating disaster plaguing her mind. Everything I ever hated about other couple's weddings comes back to me now when I'm planning my own. I have encountered more than one wedding which left me with the following opinions: "Wow, this is really tacky: the flowers are all fake, the dresses are all tulle and taffeta, and the meal is finger foods - at 7 o'clock at night! And I drove 4 hours to get to this wedding while the bride and groom never made arrangements for me to at least stay at a wallet-friendly hotel."
Now there's this third lobe of my brain that says "A classy wedding is wonderful for guests, but remember that you have to pay for all these things - certainly not the guests! - so tacky may have to be the standard you're willing to live with!"
Appropriately so, my reasonable and diplomatic self usually steps in about this time and says "We should find a balance of all three of these elements to pull off the perfect wedding - and the Perfect Wedding is perfectly possible. What makes it Perfect with a capital P is the seriousness and romanticism of an affordable, yet comfortable and inviting wedding ceremony and reception."
Perhaps after a successfull experience, I should be a professional!
...Oh, and, Note to Self: Don't underestimate the general unhelpfulness of people in the wedding industry who are forced to work on national holidays.
Monday, December 29, 2008
So We're Getting Married...
In September 2007 Mariano Soler asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were in his car at a park in a small, country town in Missouri where he lived at the time. He ended up quitting his job and moving in with me and my roommates and I started planning a wedding. We were in hardship financially and the wedding was postponed until we could start saving for it again.
In the mean time I left school and got a job, Mario got 2, and we decided that we needed to move and get some help to make ends meet. We left Missouri and moved to Florida, where he had lived before, and where I had never been. Then we had a baby. While it would seem now that saving to get married is a lot farther off, we decided we didn't want to put it off any longer, no matter how small and frugal the wedding will be.
July 18, 2009 is the date set. I have told many friends and family but I still have many more to tell. I have been saying that my intentions are to get invitations out to all the long-distance/out-of-town invitees by the end of January. There are many additional things to plan out, however. My sister is my maid-of-honor, and she is helping me to plan out the wedding. We've picked some details and I have several ideas. Keeping costs down will be a challenge, however, as it is very difficult for us to save any money at all, and then even harder to keep it for longer than a month.
Some details I can share that we have worked out so far: We are having a wedding on the beach, in the late afternoon in the middle of the summer. We will have custom-label water bottles and personalized paper fans as ceremony favors and survival tools during the bitter and wilting heat. Our colors are a medium blue and lighter blue: "Horizon" and "Cornflower" as found in the David's Bridal color palette for their bridesmaid dresses and separates. The ceremony and reception will all be on public/city property. I want to make the invitations, favor boxes and place cards myself.
What we don't know is who is going to officiate our wedding, what style of ceremony we will have (he's catholic, i have a COG7 background, but we've both been going to a charismatic non-denominational church; and i think we both don't want anything overtly religious or sermon-like, although we do want to pay homage to God). In addition, many other details have yet to be planned out, such as how will Alex fit into the wedding, and who can we designate to watch him when the people we trust most to do so will all be busy participating in the wedding? I also will need to designate set up and clean up crews for both the ceremony and the reception. Again, the people who would normally be most willing to help with that kind of thing will be part of the wedding party, or honored guests of us, the bride and groom, such as our parents. *sigh* What is a bride to do? I can only hope that our aunts, uncles and cousins will come and will be especially willing to help and work together, even with people they'll be meeting for the first time (E.G., his aunt and my cousin, or my uncle and his nephew).
My brain can't take much more. One really helpful tool that my sister showed me is Google Documents. She's in Oklahoma and I'm in Florida, so we won't exactly be getting together often to plan the wedding together. We have to use phone and the internet. With Google Documents, we can share the same document online and change it and view it in real time, all while keeping a record of our planning discoveries. I may share our findings so far with you in another post. I did find a couple of wonderful sites that make me burst with creativity:
Capture the Moment Projects Blog
The author of this blog works for a company called Paper Trey Ink and she makes the most wonderful and exquisite gifts with stamps and paper!
Aloha Island Weddings
This is a website by a company in Hawaii that hosts weddings, but the decorations are perfect whether you're contintental or island-side!
In the mean time I left school and got a job, Mario got 2, and we decided that we needed to move and get some help to make ends meet. We left Missouri and moved to Florida, where he had lived before, and where I had never been. Then we had a baby. While it would seem now that saving to get married is a lot farther off, we decided we didn't want to put it off any longer, no matter how small and frugal the wedding will be.
July 18, 2009 is the date set. I have told many friends and family but I still have many more to tell. I have been saying that my intentions are to get invitations out to all the long-distance/out-of-town invitees by the end of January. There are many additional things to plan out, however. My sister is my maid-of-honor, and she is helping me to plan out the wedding. We've picked some details and I have several ideas. Keeping costs down will be a challenge, however, as it is very difficult for us to save any money at all, and then even harder to keep it for longer than a month.
Some details I can share that we have worked out so far: We are having a wedding on the beach, in the late afternoon in the middle of the summer. We will have custom-label water bottles and personalized paper fans as ceremony favors and survival tools during the bitter and wilting heat. Our colors are a medium blue and lighter blue: "Horizon" and "Cornflower" as found in the David's Bridal color palette for their bridesmaid dresses and separates. The ceremony and reception will all be on public/city property. I want to make the invitations, favor boxes and place cards myself.
What we don't know is who is going to officiate our wedding, what style of ceremony we will have (he's catholic, i have a COG7 background, but we've both been going to a charismatic non-denominational church; and i think we both don't want anything overtly religious or sermon-like, although we do want to pay homage to God). In addition, many other details have yet to be planned out, such as how will Alex fit into the wedding, and who can we designate to watch him when the people we trust most to do so will all be busy participating in the wedding? I also will need to designate set up and clean up crews for both the ceremony and the reception. Again, the people who would normally be most willing to help with that kind of thing will be part of the wedding party, or honored guests of us, the bride and groom, such as our parents. *sigh* What is a bride to do? I can only hope that our aunts, uncles and cousins will come and will be especially willing to help and work together, even with people they'll be meeting for the first time (E.G., his aunt and my cousin, or my uncle and his nephew).
My brain can't take much more. One really helpful tool that my sister showed me is Google Documents. She's in Oklahoma and I'm in Florida, so we won't exactly be getting together often to plan the wedding together. We have to use phone and the internet. With Google Documents, we can share the same document online and change it and view it in real time, all while keeping a record of our planning discoveries. I may share our findings so far with you in another post. I did find a couple of wonderful sites that make me burst with creativity:
Capture the Moment Projects Blog
The author of this blog works for a company called Paper Trey Ink and she makes the most wonderful and exquisite gifts with stamps and paper!
Aloha Island Weddings
This is a website by a company in Hawaii that hosts weddings, but the decorations are perfect whether you're contintental or island-side!
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